Chelsea Handler's Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea PDF

By Chelsea Handler

ISBN-10: 1416596364

ISBN-13: 9781416596363

THE EAGERLY AWAITED selection of own ESSAYS FROM THE BESTSELLING writer OF MY HORIZONTAL existence

while Chelsea Handler must get a couple of issues off her chest, she appeals to a better energy -- vodka. you are going to too in the event you discovered that your boyfriend used to be having an affair with a Peekapoo or should you needed to fake to be honeymooning along with your father so that it will improve to firstclass. Welcome to Chelsea's global -- a spot the place absurdity reigns ultimate and a brief wit is the simplest defensive position.
during this hilarious, deliciously skewed assortment, Chelsea mines her earlier for tales approximately her relations, relationships, and profession which are instantly singular and ridiculous. even if she's convincing her third-grade classification that she has been tapped to play Goldie Hawn's daughter within the sequel to Private Benjamin, identifying to be extra egalitarian via courting a redhead, or looking for a foulmouthed, rum-swilling little one who appears to be like similar to her...only smaller, Chelsea has a knack for purchasing herself into the main outrageous events. Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea showcases the candor and impossible to resist turns of word that experience made her one of many most up to date voices in comedy this day.

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Extra info for Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea

Sample text

The teasing from the older girls had come to a screeching halt, and now when I walked down the halls, almost everyone said hello, and a couple of kids even curtsied. Surprisingly, Principal Hiller never called my house again. Jodi’s estimation was that he probably thought he had a psychopath on his hands and felt it was safer to take himself out of the equation. The Friday afternoon before I was to return to school after Christmas break, Jodi and I were in my sister Sloane’s room trying on her training bras when my father yelled my name.

I remember having this feeling early on, during my second day of kindergarten. It became apparent to me that all of my classmates had the necessary faculties to play a serious game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, but had no designs on how to forge a late note from their parents. ” Once patented, it would look and feel like a regular Cabbage Patch Kid, but would also be able to help you with chores around the house. It would be able to speak different languages like Spanish and Farsi, and if you poked it in the eye, it would shit out a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich on rye.

I asked, unwrapping it and then slamming it down on the table. ” Jodi and I had been friends since kindergarten, so she was used to this kind of mix-up. As sweet and loving as my mother was, she had the organizational skills of a sea lion and could never remember to make me lunch. So every morning I had to tell my father to make it for me. He, in turn, had the culinary skills of a sea lion, and no matter how many times I repeated the phrase “peanut butter and jelly,” he always somehow managed to fuck it up.

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Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea by Chelsea Handler


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